


I'm Not Ready

by DontJudgeMeIShipIt



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Don't Examine This Too Closely, F/M, Heavy Angst, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 08:40:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16807252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontJudgeMeIShipIt/pseuds/DontJudgeMeIShipIt
Summary: Okay, let me preface this by saying I do NOT necessarily believe this is an accurate depiction of real life in any way, shape, or form.  I feel like sometimes people take fic as gospel when at most it's conjecture and educated guessing and more than likely is completely off base and...well, fiction.That being said, I was firmly in my feels today and left to my own devices with decidedly angsty music blaring through my house, and when I sat down to work on Annika this is what came out instead, and I think everyone would hate me if this made its way into that story in ANY capacity---so, I let it out here.  And now, I will go work on Annika (little Toepick's not feeling well guys :/ ), I promise!And fwiw, I don't begrudge T or S any happiness they find in their lives, no matter where that happiness comes from or what form it takes, as long as they love each other in whatever form it is that they've always loved each other in.  I'll be here cheering them on, regardless, waiting to see how it all plays out--I will hope for more, and pray it's never less.  <3And now that the author's notes are actually longer than the fic itself...





	I'm Not Ready

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, let me preface this by saying I do NOT necessarily believe this is an accurate depiction of real life in any way, shape, or form. I feel like sometimes people take fic as gospel when at most it's conjecture and educated guessing and more than likely is completely off base and...well, fiction. 
> 
> That being said, I was firmly in my feels today and left to my own devices with decidedly angsty music blaring through my house, and when I sat down to work on Annika this is what came out instead, and I think everyone would hate me if this made its way into that story in ANY capacity---so, I let it out here. And now, I will go work on Annika (little Toepick's not feeling well guys :/ ), I promise!
> 
> And fwiw, I don't begrudge T or S any happiness they find in their lives, no matter where that happiness comes from or what form it takes, as long as they love each other in whatever form it is that they've always loved each other in. I'll be here cheering them on, regardless, waiting to see how it all plays out--I will hope for more, and pray it's never less. <3
> 
> And now that the author's notes are actually longer than the fic itself...

****

I’m not ready to be a mother. Not yet.

He doesn’t seem to get that it will be so much _more_ for me than it will for him.

I’ve given him my body in every conceivable way a person can give their body to another person, given him nearly every last part of me, but I’m not ready to give him this.

I’ve given him my hands to hold since I was seven years old and my arms to find comfort in since not too long after that.

I’ve given him my laughter and my tears and every expression my pale, freckled features are capable of reflecting.

I’ve given him my eyes--no one sees as deeply into them as he does. When he walks away they can’t help but follow him.

I’ve given him my shoulders to bear the weight of his griefs and insecurities, and as a soft place for his kisses to land.

I’ve bared myself to him, physically--given him the most intimate part of me that I have to offer, and let him find his release in it.

I’ve given him my mouth, my lips and tongue, in passion, in low murmured conversation, in shouts and in whispers, in silence...

I’ve given him my legs. I’ve let someone cut them open and poke around inside to try to make them worthy of him, of us.

I’ve given him nearly every part of me--my breasts, my hair, the shell of my ear, the smooth skin behind my knees, and the space between my fingers. 

I’ve given him my heart and my fucking _soul_ , and I’m just not ready to give him my womb and all that it could hold…

I want a little more time for this last bit of me, to see who she might become...before _she_ becomes his, too, and before she belongs heart and soul to a whole _new_ person. And she will, I know she will. I even want her to. Just not _yet_.

I’ve given him all of this...and he can’t give me time.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, this was just me emoting all over the place ya'll. I still love them BOTH, promise.


End file.
